In my role as a therapist, I consider myself a temporary person in the lives of the people who work with me. I hope that everyone absorbs something good from their experiences with me, but I also want to help people heal. I want my clients to get to a place where they have everything they need within and around them in a natural way, so that it no longer makes sense to keep me in their lives. One key to moving in this direction is to manage the amount of focus on one time period versus another.
I’ve talked in other articles about how we can shift our focus in helpful ways to change our experience in the present. Mindfulness, for example, is being fully absorbed in the present moment. Generalized anxiety is often fed by a focus on, and worry about, the future. Hopes and dreams also have a focus on the future. PTSD flashbacks distort time so that it feels like we are back in a situation that we’ve already survived. Pleasant memories can also bring the past into the present. I think there’s some benefit to past, present, and future focus. It’s about finding the right balance among the three.
The past will always influence us, and so it makes sense to give some attention to the experiences we’ve already had. The more we try to shut out the past, the more influence it’s likely to have on the present. If I’m a person who tends to get overwhelmed by the past, I may need to practice more of a present and future focus in preparation for attending to the past in a helpful way. This may look like acknowledging the old stuff while turning my attention to the things that are better now. If I try to push the past away, it’s likely to push back. If I acknowledge and gently turn my attention away from the past with a commitment to come back to it, I’m likely to find myself much less overwhelmed. Many people find it helpful to invite all parts of self to join us in shifting our focus to the present, as some parts can get stuck in time and benefit from this guidance.
Some amount of focus on the present is necessary to change the future. In terms of time, the present can include every single thing that is true right now. If I’m feeling overwhelmed, I may need to focus solely on what I’m experiencing right now in this moment – sitting in a chair, the feeling of my feet on the floor, the computer keys under my fingertips, the sound of the keys tapping, etc. There is a broader present, however, that also needs attention. The breadth of focus that’s helpful will be different from person to person, and different within a person at different times. Present realities that benefit from attention include physical, emotional, and relationship health. We need to focus enough on what’s good to bolster ourselves for the hard stuff, and we need to focus enough on what’s hard to make the changes that are within our power to make. It’s not helpful to focus on situations that we truly can’t change, nor is it helpful to turn away from uncomfortable realities that we may have some power to improve.
It can be challenging to find helpful ways to focus on the future when we’ve experienced significant disappointment in the past. At the same time, the only way we can create a better future is by allowing ourselves to imagine a future that we want. Sometimes unexpected things happen. We can’t control the future, but we can certainly influence it. A picture of a future that we want has tremendous capacity to influence our choices in ways that make that future more likely. It can shape goals and plans in concrete ways, and it can filter down to our subconscious to guide us in the right direction. Often, simply imagining a better future keeps us moving in that direction.
I can’t say what the right balance is among past, present, and future focus. I simply have a sense, from what I’ve witnessed and what I’ve experienced myself, that finding a balance is important for wellness.
The past informs the present. Old wounds need healing, and there’s great wisdom in experience.
What has already happened has already happened. I can’t change the past, but I can make changes in the present. When I acknowledge what is already true, there are countless possibilities for change.
The future is where all the possibilities lie. I’m unlikely to accomplish what I want if I don’t allow myself to know what I want – to envision a better future, to notice where my choices are leading me, and to maintain a sense of where I want to wind up.
You may find it helpful to notice where you tend to focus and how that impacts you. Notice how you’re doing right now, and then notice if your present state is based more on the past, the present, or the future. If you’re doing well now, this may be the best time to explore past, present, or future concerns that could use some attention. If you’re not doing well, you might get useful information about what’s likely to help by noticing the time period impacting you most in this moment. Experiment with changes in focus, pay attention to what’s helpful, and adjust accordingly.